Saturday, August 23, 2008

regret

There are few things that I regret most in the 30 years of my "not so amazing" life. The first and foremost probably is when I could not be there when He moved on to the eternal life. At the time, I always try to convince my "silly" heart that I'm fine with it, since I thought I have done everything while he is still around. However, I knew that inside the back of my mind how I wish I was not as stubborn as a mule and get my butt home while I still can, to see him and bid the final goodbye...and said the very important thing I wish to say to him..."I love you, pap". There it goes the first one, just like in a movie.

The second one happens now. Due to my selfish, ignorant, arogant and a FOOL that's me, I have wasted the most wonderful gift that GOD has given me, which is the chance to graduate. How could I choose to surrender to the devil at the time, and live the opposite life that GOD has build for me. I am a complete IDIOT. I am 30 and an Idiot. I wish to apologize to God, my mother and my beloved ones. I do not know if GOD will still open the window of opportunities for me even though HE had forsaken me long ago, but honestly, I really wish HE will.

No matter what the Future holds, From then on, I promise I would do everything I can to stay in HIS Path, Never would I want to ponder and doubt. I am 30 years old, and I wish to grow up.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Dear God

Dear GOD,

I beg you, please favour me. I have under estimate you, I have failed you. please forgive my wrong doings. Lord, please allow me to have this chance to continue my study. I can not bear it if I fail, 'O Lord. I can not bear it.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

really!!!I'm on the edge

I like to take initiatives. I like to please people. sometimes I got carried away and often forget that often in the end I'm the one who look like a complete FOOL! for example, there was this exam that me and my friends took. I took the initiatives to discuss the questions, all but one person give comments on the questions. I am aware that this person probably had no clue about the questions asked, all of us there except this person, thought real hard on how to answer the damn questions. I'm pissed at her at the time, wishing at least she showed some interest and join the discussion. At the end of the day, she copied all of the summary of the discussion without any small contribution whatsoever. now, if I got pissed just because of this small matter just happens for the first time then some kind of a friend I am, I thought, but hey man! this has happened couple of times before and the person ALWAYS got better marks than I am. CRAP!!!!! I can't blame the person entirely since I'm also a lazy ass person, but it kills me knowing that she got all the answers FROM ME, but she got the better marks. NOW, I'm completely on the edge. late this week, I'm the one who called the campus, I'm the one who make the reservation, I did all that, and she's the one who receive good marks. I'm Jealous. Hell yeah I am. I tried to cover this anger and frustation, but don't know if I could maintain my friendly gesture any longer. May GOD help me restrain my self and view everything wisely.